Thursday, November 29, 2012



Dear Maxy ,
Six months ago , I reconnected with the guy I have loved since grade school ."Thomas"left after graduation to live in another state .I know he has schizophrenia , and I'm willing to take the risk .
 Even though I'm 18 and still in high school , I plan to become a doctor . I've done research and know what I'm up against. Thomas says he hears voices and sees dark figures , and he snaps sometimes , but it seems like he can refocus once I get him to concentrate on me .
Last Thursday , Thomas broke up with me . He apologized for breaking my heart , but he says his schizophrenia is getting worse , and he fears he's going to hurt me  .Thomas knows I love him and would do anything for him . I gave up sleep and time to make sure he knows I'm always here . I listen to him and hold him close when he gets upset . I never get mad at him . We have never fought .
I don't want to lose him again . That happened once and we didn't speak for three whole years ! I don't want to go through that emotional turmoil again . I know people say "too young" to understand what love is , but I believe I have a good idea . I need advice .
Terri

Dear Terri ,
Thomas is telling you his schizophrenia is not underr control , and he justifiably worries he could hurt you or himself . Is he taking antipsychotic medication ? He will need to do this for the rest of his life , and there are side effects . Schizophrenics also have an increased risk of drug and alchol abuse . This is a lot of responsibitily for anyone to take on .
I don't doubt that you care deeply for Thomas , but you may be romanticizing your ability to "save" him . And your determination to have a relationship creates pressure that he apparently can't handle . Please put his welfare first and simply be his friend with no expectations , and encourage him to stick with appropriate medical treatment .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
Our son is marrying a beautiful woman from Mexico . The cost of the flights are more than his siblings can afford , not to mention the hotels , the dresses , tuxes, showers , parties , etc . But we will help our kids because we know our son would be hurt if they didn't attend .
The brides family may put us up at the hotel , which would be nice , but I don't want to look like moochers . Do we still offer to pay for the rehearsal dinner ? We have told our son how much money we can give them for a wedding gift , and all of this will deplete nearly all or savings . Any advice ?
Need a Money Tree

Dear Need ,
Please don't spend more than you can afford .Tell your son you have a budget that will have to cover all costs , including the rehearsal dinner . If it costs more , he will need to pay for it himself . It's okay to accept the offer from the bride's family to put you up at a hotel . And it's not unreasonable to suggest to your son that he and his new bride have a reception later in your hometown for his siblings and other friends . We hope he can be reasonable instead of being hurt .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I'm a single male who has been seeing a young lady for quite some time . We like each other , but I have some reservations about our relationship .
There is a rule that says you should not commit to a relationship during major holidays such as Christmas , Valentine's Day and Thanksgiving . I know this may sound bizarre , but I don't want to get into a serious relationship "title free" , if you know what I mean . What do you think ?
Slightly Committed

Dear Slightly Committed ,
You are letting superstition get the best of you . You don't have to go down on one knee on any particular holiday if you don't want to . But also don't make the mistake of believing some "rule" whose origin you don't even know , for fear that the relationship will be jinxed .
Maxy

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