Monday, January 10, 2011

Gotta Love the Irish




1) Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
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2) Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

The man said, 'I do, Father.'
The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'
Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.
'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'
The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'
O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'
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3) Paddy was in New York . He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians!' Then he'd allow the people to cross.
 He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood waiting on the sidewalk.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Isn't it about time ye let the Catholics across?
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4) Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'
'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'
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5) An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.


He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'
'Just water,' says the priest.
The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'
The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'
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6) Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'
'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'
'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'
She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'
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7) Padrius staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Padrius sprang up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed. In the morning, Padrius woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Padrius said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ........ it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

49 comments:

  1. Hey PIC, how ya doin???

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  2. Anonymous10:06:00 PM

    I do love the Irish , they know how to have fun and shake their booty .[giggles]

    Hi Cutie ...how you doing ,shit we finally got snow .
    How is Nana, tell her we got snow ?
    How's the Rock ??? I know he's in a good mood .
    The edit pen is back , I hope it stay this time I have been doing all they say .

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  3. Anonymous10:07:00 PM

    I have been playing in the snow , what you doing ???

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  4. You're playing in it. We're just shovelling it.

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  5. Did you make a snowman??

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  6. Anonymous10:13:00 PM

    I made a large pot of soup with chicken/sausage and the works, I think I hear Dad in the kitchen now , they love to sip it so it has a lot of juice.

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  7. The soup sounds very warming. It's very cold up here.Send me some hot soup.We got in from karate an hour ago and my feet are still frozen.

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  8. Anonymous10:19:00 PM

    No , some of the big kids made one in the middle of the compound .
    My senior moments , I think stated when I met these damn C****O, since meeting them I forget to wear my drawers.[giggles]
    Dad told me to tell you he left you a note...I told him you know it, I told him he better not talk naughty to you and he just laugh and said you talk naughty to him , I told him I didn't believe that shit ...HA !

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  9. I just answer back to dad's naughtiness. He goes farther with it than I do. But it's fun. He is a riot.

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  10. I think I'll have a hot tea. Maybe I should soak my feet in it.

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  11. Anonymous10:29:00 PM

    I have a shot post for SH's about Oprah with Piers Morgan , you know him. TV host and judge on America Got Talent ..he takes over the Larry King show .It will air Jan.17

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  12. I know Piers is taking over for Larry, finally. I wrote a post about it about five months ago. I like Piers. He was a journalist, an editor and a publisher so he should know what he is doing.

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  13. Anonymous10:37:00 PM

    They have a poll out and Oprah is his first guest and they want him to gay-grill her .. they thank he will ask her,I'going to watch ...I hope he do ...he's british HUH ??

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  14. I hope he has better taste than Larry. Although I am very curious to know about her sex life. I know it is their business. Maybe he will be able to ask her in a subtle way.

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  15. Anonymous10:49:00 PM

    It will air on Jan.17 .

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  16. I think you have a lot of insight.If it was a race he would definitely be there.

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  17. Anonymous10:54:00 PM

    How is Brown Baby and how much do he weight now ???

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  18. Brown baby is over ten pounds and healthy as a horse. How old is Nan's brown baby?? Is he old enough to play with Man??

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  19. Anonymous11:07:00 PM

    NAN's Brown Baby is 18 months old and the two of them together is a holy terror , both are beggers.
    NAN didn't send you a picture of Robbie? I will remind her . He gets all Mans' clothes .

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  20. I would love to see Robbie's picture.

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  21. Anonymous11:27:00 PM

    I showed my man the Irish guy shaking his booty and I told him I can do that .

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  22. They were both fascinated by the development of the invisibility cloak.

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  23. You were lucky. Man was a gift. And he was born in perfect health. Sometimes they are born with problems to older women.

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  24. Yes, their birthday is on the fifth of April and mine is on the 18th. Jaye tried to keep them in until then but she couldn't.

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  25. Some months ago Nana gave me a ring that the major had made for her. It meant so much to her. I took good care of it. When I went out one day for a visit to someone's house I wore it and when I got home it was gone. I have torn their house apart and my own and searched every pocket and purse.
    I am just afraid she will want me to wear it on Wednesday when we take her out for her birthday. Or she might want to wear it.

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  26. Anonymous11:57:00 PM

    Well Tat make me happy to know the old fool got him something he wanted.
    I can't shop just before Xmas everything is gone or picked over and you can't find a damn thing worth buying .

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  27. Wow! That is quite a coincidence, all those birthdays in one month.

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  28. Anonymous12:02:00 AM

    Did you take it off to wash your hands ?? Did you wear a coat with pockets ?? Was the lining of the coat hemmed to the coat bottom ?? Your purses has lining in them and could be between the lining and the bottom of the purse ...take a second look .

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  29. Craig is quite animated tonight.I't's time he stepped up his game.

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  30. He only did one penis joke so far.

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  31. Great thinking PIC. I will check that out and let you know. I was thinking of getting a psychic to find it for me.There is a popular psychic out by the karate scholl.

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  32. Anonymous12:08:00 AM

    Criag is getting stale...
    Do you like Rosanna ??

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  33. Anonymous12:11:00 AM

    If it's not there get the psychic to help you , the ring has a lot of memories .

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  34. Roseanne can be very crude but she does have a good sense of humor.

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  35. Anonymous12:14:00 AM

    Rosanna has on gloves ...is it clod in there or do she thing Criag plays with his penis [giggles].

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  36. At least she is hip to global warming.

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  37. Anonymous12:16:00 AM

    Sis says the first time she was on was on the Johnny Carson show , we get her in reruns .

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  38. She wore a red leather dress once and looked like hell.

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  39. Anonymous12:18:00 AM

    One thing I can say ...she is aging naturally.
    Rosanna's voice sounds like someone running their finger-nails across a blackboard ..Hahahaha

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  40. We get her re-runs too but I surf right over them. They are so dated . They didn't hold up too well.
    She can be entertaining but she has the taste of a ten dollar hooker.

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  41. Anonymous12:22:00 AM

    Sweetie ,Rosanna has no shape . I heard she's into Global Warming, so she can't be all bad ...just a fat woman with no taste .

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  42. She does have an aggravating harsh voice.

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  43. Anonymous12:24:00 AM

    You mean $.50 cent hooker [giggles]

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  44. Anonymous12:30:00 AM

    Get your hands warm and warm up the boys .

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  45. I think my cousin will be too old for the next olympics. But she may be on the team in some capacity.

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  46. The next winter olympics will be in Russia and the summer olympics will be in England.

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  47. Anonymous12:34:00 AM

    Sweetie ,I will say goodnight, Gil only sleep in his pj bottom when the kids are watching movies ,they want them to get air or want us to play with them , what a hoot men are , but we love ours , they would be lost without us .

    Goodnite dear friend and see you when the moon is high in the sky .
    Hugs & KISSES...PIC
    Kiss the Rock

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  48. Anyhoo Sweetcakes, I'll see you after dark tomorrow if the fates wish it to be so. I'll be here with my frozen feet and warm heart.
    Have a good night and wiggle that booty for Long Shank.
    Luv and Hugs...Your pal the GENIE

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