Friday, October 15, 2010

Do You Believe ??

Recently, my family had a discussion about when one stops believing in Santa Claus. It’s interesting that one segment of the population (kids) accepts the Santa concept completely  while all others do not. I  spent more time than it was worth thinking about other beliefs that one portion of our society deems the truth, while others  scoff. Cher once asked in song, “Do you believe in life after love?” The Lovin’ Spoonful musically asked, “Do you believe in magic in a young girl’s heart?’ I simply ask, “What do you believe?” Let’s delve into the human mind, shall we?

Aliens Visiting Earth: There is a good-sized chunk of people out there who believe in the visitors-from-another-world-probing-people’s-butts thing. They subscribe to magazines with names like “Abduction Tales” (or perhaps"Tails" because of the probing). They chat with others online about what is really going on in Area 51 and also in an empty wooded lot behind the super Wal-Mart near their home. These people did really well on science projects in school and always came up with something more in-depth than that dumb baking soda volcano that we scabby kneed brats, who hated science, always reverted to  (Point to remember: These alien abduction people always sucked at sports).
When I have insomnia I watch the space channel too but I do not believe there is any being who is smart enough to traverse the galaxy and yet is dumb enough to think the best way to study us is to probe something out of our butts which they wish to keep and study closely. Do I think there is life somewhere else in the galaxy? A big yes to that one but they are not interested in what is in your ( or my) butt.


Ghosts and Demons Among Us: These people study parapsychology in college, and, except for a few who actually find gainful employment in that field, end up working in a bookstore or library part time. They pore over photographs looking for weird white orbs in the background and listen to audio tapes recorded overnight in cemeteries hoping to catch whispered phrases such as, “I need a snorkel,” apparently uttered by someone who drowned 15 years ago. They warn us of the evils of Ouija boards while secretly holding séances to ask if Grandpa is in a happy place. They don’t date much but are prone to being attacked  ( and or raped)  in their own bed by a ghostly “entity.” They have The Exorcist memorized and have a poster of Linda Blair, green puke et al.
 There may or may not be an afterlife, but I can only keep my sanity if I refuse to believe that any, self respecting, spirit  would waste their afterlife time whispering into a tape recorder that was planted by a grave by an amateur spook hunter who's hiding behind a tree. If I’m ever a spirit in that situation, though, I plan to mess with their heads by saying things like, " I was killed by aliens who stuck a probe up my butt." (Despite my scepticism, I plan to stay away from Ouija boards just to be on the safe side.)

Things Will Work out:  This one’s a little different. These are the people who believe that the stars will align for them one day, and, without having to do any planning or making any real sacrifices, they will find their soul mate, their perfect job, and will have the perfect house, car, boat etc. These people usually drop out of college the first year. They are pretty sure they’ll win a car from Drew Carey on The Price Is Right (despite the fact that they are not actively trying to get on the show), and it will only be a matter of time before some publisher reads their blogs and begs them to write for their magazine. They know their soul mate is out there, and they are not the least bit alarmed that their past  relationships have fallen apart within six months. Also, their retirement plans usually consist of winning the Power Ball lottery. Today’s politically correct atmosphere has really killed any gumption these people might have had at one point. They’ve had it pounded into their brain that everyone is extremely special and if they just wait, things will work out.

The Government is Conducting Secret Projects just to Screw with us:  These people have twelve months’ worth of water, canned sardines and ammunition hidden underground. They believe the government has been involved in conspiracies in the following areas: JFK assassination, 911, airplane exhaust comtrails (the white lines left in the sky), pink Teletubbies promoting homosexuality, cell phones causing brain damage, subliminal messages in pop songs and cartoons, battery packages being impossible to open, potato chip bags being only 1/3 full when you open them ; El Nino weather patterns, the New England Patriots’ winning streak and the unprecedented number of earthquakes in the world lately. They see conspiracies in everything and trust no one. Stay away from these people unless you're out of sardines or wish to spend some time in an underground bunker.

I haven't even scratched the surface of belief systems. For every person there is a uniquely individual belief. And that's what makes us wonderful and interesting and funny and endearing and it makes the world go round. 

55 comments:

  1. Pic, Somehow when I put my video on SH, I fucked your pictures. I don't know how I did it but if you tell me where to get them . I will put them back....PIC

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  2. I can't belive that we both did a post about Oprah. What are the odds?

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  3. Anonymous9:56:00 PM

    Their're hereeeeeee

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  4. Anonymous9:58:00 PM

    Don't worry about it , I will just redo the post.I still ahve the pictures.

    Hi Cutie.

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  5. Hi PIC, How are the girls hangin??

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  6. Anonymous10:02:00 PM

    It was just Oprah and Gayle fishing, no biggie.
    What was you/Nan up too ?

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  7. Nan and I had a nice little chat.I learned some very interesting things.

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  8. Anonymous10:04:00 PM

    Shit...I'm just glad I'm not the only one that throws things in space. [giggles]

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  9. You should read our conversation.We got nothing to hide.
    Did you tell dad about his note?? Appreciate it.

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  10. For a computer geek that is very humiliating.

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  11. Anonymous10:07:00 PM

    Not about me I hope...I'm old news.Nan says she really enjoyed you and you are a lot of fun.
    Dad says he got your note and will answer it tomorrow , he's talking to Mac I think.
    What did you learn from Nan???

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  12. Anonymous10:10:00 PM

    Don't be humiliated...It only proves that computer geeks are human too.Hahaha
    Dad asked Mac how far was DC .

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  13. of course we talked about you and Gil and the C family saga

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  14. Anonymous10:13:00 PM

    NAN says she is going to leave a note on each of our posts ...especially on SH's.
    What you think anout the Yonni guy, it seems he had more to worry about than being underground. HA !

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  15. I asked dad how far it was and how long it would take you and if you would drive straight through.

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  16. Maybe Yonni didn't want to come up.
    I believe I read that the wife and the lover had a knock down drag out bitch fight

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  17. Anonymous10:18:00 PM

    I know she had nothing nice to say about the C family. Aunt Mae/Lenny is the only one she likes.
    She met Lenny in Reno before he came here and he's shy.Lenny is the younger one about 49/50 I think.

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  18. Well did you knock your dinner companions eyes out with your sexy dress??
    I told Nan that GIl bought you those sexy dresses so that while the clients are drooling and looking up your dress, he gets them to sign a contract.

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  19. Anonymous10:20:00 PM

    They did and and the wife stayed home and said the woman could have him...smart lady.

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  20. Anonymous10:23:00 PM

    Shit, Dad may have Mac drawing a may, I know Mac will have another driver with him. My babies want us to ride with Dad in the big car, It has enough room.

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  21. So have you had your butt probed (by an alien)?...HA!!

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  22. I enjoyed that post. I may do some more.

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  23. Do you have to pull the kids out of school??

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  24. Anonymous10:26:00 PM

    Let me tell you before I forget: Leon was out the building about 11:am and he asked Gil could they talk and Gil told him to haul his ass out his building before he lose a shoe up his ass.

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  25. Anonymous10:28:00 PM

    Did NAN tell you she will be my secretary??

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  26. She told me she would be your secretary. You gals will have fun.

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  27. Leon wants another chance. What the hell else do they have to talk about?

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  28. Anonymous10:32:00 PM

    My dress was very sexy and I got a lot of stares..It was split up halfaway my thigh and the back was open a little below the waistline and you know who bought it.

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  29. Anonymous10:34:00 PM

    I asked him why he buys those dresses and he says I have the shape for them...NAN says he can get a feel without anyone knowing.

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  30. He wants to show off what he's got.
    "Look but don't touch or I'll kill you".

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  31. Anonymous10:41:00 PM

    No, but I have seen their pecker and it made like a bell..hahaha
    I love this post and anything to do with aliens since I know they are among us...
    Do them...I find them interesting, I love reading them. I read them to my babies...then they run to Gil and ask him what it mean and he reads them and explain it to them.

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  32. I wonder what Leon is thinking. Probably that he has been unfairly treated by both sides.

    I don't think the other side can have much respect for him either.

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  33. No one likes a snitch even if they are working for them.

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  34. Anonymous10:49:00 PM

    [giggles] You sound just like NAN.

    I am going to miss you but before I leave I will leave you notes everywhere , so check SH's for some also.NAN is leaving Saturday, Dad has mades some calls there , we have the bus and two drivers.
    Our tally was a little over $4,000 and Gil matched us , I will have to do a recount , I think we have 30/35 people going.
    Lois asked what was we going to do with money that's left over...I told her it was going it our NaturaCanada fund...but right now we have to try and save Nanook .

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  35. I don't think he will ever be very successful as an independent lawyer. I don't think Shirley will either.

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  36. Anonymous10:53:00 PM

    Yes I pulled the kids out today, they will learn and see a lot and they will learn it together .
    Leon is going back to Reno I think , he putting his house on the market.

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  37. Anonymous10:55:00 PM

    He asked Gil not to blackball him because Gil/Jack are well known and Gil told him that's not his style...he is doing a good job fucking his own life up, he told him if he gets a next time don't play the ends against the middle.

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  38. You are doing a good thing and you will enjoy every minute. Wish I was there.

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  39. Anonymous11:00:00 PM

    if you ask my babies who santa is ,they will say poppa. A little boy/girl asked Sha how many Easter eggs the Easter Bunny was bring tham and Sha said oh please you are so silly, rabbits can't lay eggs .

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  40. Anonymous11:03:00 PM

    I wish you was here to ...but their will be a next time,we still have a chance...we will start working on our charter by the first of the year.

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  41. Anonymous11:10:00 PM

    I am sending some of my babies clothes with NAN and James is driving and Lois is riding with them...Lois don't know her husband will make partner by the first of the year...He's about 47/48.

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  42. Anonymous11:15:00 PM

    NAN/ was upset when we found out the truth.With so many kids here on the compound, they learned early, they still put out cookies and milk for their santa.[poppa]

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  43. Anonymous11:20:00 PM

    How is Nana, still up to her tricks ??? Hahaha...The Rock gave you your jiggle dance yet.
    Jakey/Sammy would get a kick out of all these kids.

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  44. I got a jiggle dance last night. It doesn't get old. It's funny.

    Nana was good out shopping today but she was not strong.She goes a little bit then she has to sit for a while. She had a bit of a tummy problem and I was afraid we'd have another of those horrifying experiences but she hung on till we got home.

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  45. Anonymous11:33:00 PM

    Jon's wife (Honey) called to tell me to come there they live on the other side of Sis.
    I had Gilly and he walks slow and I heard fight,fight and kids was running from everywhere, I picked him up and it was 4/5 five big boys was in Jon's yard..Dennis was out there ..he's Jon's grand and he said aunt NEE they wanted to jumped the little kids, so the three of us just beat their butts and told them not to mess with us.

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  46. Under the circumstances it's a good thing there were big boys to protect the little guys. What did you say to them?

    It's funny that they all run to watch a fight.

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  47. I hope 'You know who'brings the poor kid to the game. Sammy hates to let down his team.

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  48. Anonymous11:47:00 PM

    One of the mothers came over with an attitude asked who was in charge and I said I was . I told her this was private property and her kids had no right here and one boy piped up and said we will beat them when they go to school..Dennis said we don't go to the same schools but we will whip you anywhere, I told him to hush , I told the lady to keep her kids away from here and NAN was out then and took over , she said the next time we catch your kids here we will call the police, she asked NAN who was she and NAN told her that shes her worst nightmare.

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  49. Anonymous11:49:00 PM

    So Sweetie ...I will let you go so you will remember to wear your knickers tomorrow , because if the choochie get cold you will tell Brian it's my fault...Hahaha

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  50. Hey, Nan came up with a really cool line. I wish I could find a situation where I could say that.
    "I'm your worst nightmare".

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  51. Well Toots I'm for bed.When exactly are you leaving?

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  52. Anonymous11:54:00 PM

    Sweetie ..they don't be running to see the fight...they be coming to fight.If it's even they don't jump in and they don't go across the street , they have friends that live over there and they come over.

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  53. Anonymous11:59:00 PM

    Not for sure, but I will leave you a lot of notes about everything.
    I think I will ride with Dad that will leave Gil rested and he can show my babies a lot of things, he's been there a lot of times so he know a little bit about the place.

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  54. Anonymous12:02:00 AM

    I know you are going to carry Sammy and have a great time.
    Again I will will miss you .
    Sweetie have a good weekend and a wonderful game tomorrow.

    Goodnight and may all your dreams come true...
    GOODNITE...HUGS & KISSES...PIC
    Kiss the Rock.

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  55. Good night PIC Have a great weekend. Will miss you and hold the fort. Wiill leave note on the weekend...LUV PIC

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Through this ever open gate
None come too early
None too late
Thanks for dropping in ... the PICs